


Blur and Sharpen

by Tsuki_Amano



Series: 365 Stucky Shots [39]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, De-Serumed Steve Rogers, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky, Skinny Steve, Temporary Amnesia, h/c
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 01:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8556790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsuki_Amano/pseuds/Tsuki_Amano
Summary: When Bucky Barnes sees Steve sitting on that hospital bed, his heart stops. Because that's not the same Steve Rogers he'd left a week ago, who was built like a tank with a heart made of cotton candy. This was Stevie, the acid-tongued man he'd left behind almost a century ago with a heart too big for his body. And as much as Bucky feared losing his memories again, he'd never, even in his nightmares, thought Steve would lose his.Or the one when Steve gets de-serumed and also suffers a bout of amnesia and can't remember the modern times. And Bucky takes it upon himself to look after his boyfriend.





	1. Chapter 1

When Bucky gets the call from Natasha he just about stops breathing. She doesn’t say much, just tells him to get back to Shield Headquarters immediately but there’s something in her voice that he can’t place. Something that makes him want to panic.

The carrier he’s on has barely landed before he’s jumping out on the tarmac, ignoring the worried shouts of some of the agents who are on standby. He’s the Winter Soldier, he can stand a little extra wear and tear. Once inside he brushes off a young woman who asks him about the Medbay and strides into the elevator, glaring at anyone who dares look at him twice.

When the door opens, Natasha’s standing there and the look in her eyes says it all.

“What happened?” he asks, his voice croaky with fear.

There’s a delicate pause and that’s all that it takes for Bucky’s mind to go into hyper drive. He can see it now, Steve lying in a hospital bed bleeding through gauze, Steve captured by terrorists and being tortured, Steve lying weak and ill on a gurney because the serum had finally stopped working. There’s one more possibility that he envisages, but he can’t think of that.

Because he’s spent more than one cold winter night, watching his best friend lay motionless, his skin pale and translucent. For his fears to be realised, no, that wasn’t something he’d be able to deal with.

“Barnes,” Natasha’s voice pierces through. There are faint lines around her eyes, she’s tired. She was on the mission with Steve, one of her arms is in a crepe bandage and she’s favouring her right side. He mentally catalogues each scrape and bruise, an old habit from times past.

“Barnes, he’s alive. And he’s mostly unharmed.” For a second, Bucky can breathe again and it’s the sweetest feeling of relief. Then her words catch up with him and it’s like an iron fist has clamped his lungs together.

“Mostly?”

“You probably should come with me.”

When they reach Steve’s wing in the Medbay, Sam’s outside. He looks worried and the moment he catches sight of Bucky, some of the tension melts out of his shoulders.

“It’s about time, you need to get in there and calm him down. There are only so many times we can administer his asthma medication in a span of time.”

“But,” Bucky says dumbly, “But the serum, it made his asthma go away.”

Looking incredulously at Natasha, Sam’s hands clench into fists at his sides, “You didn’t tell him?”

“Tell me what?”

But before anyone can tell him anything, there’s a commotion in the room and Bucky’s heart thuds uncomfortably loudly against his rib cage as he hears the all too familiar sounds of shallow rasping breaths.

Almost on autopilot, he stumbles into the room, his mouth dry and his heart stops when he sees it.

Steve’s on the bed alright, but it’s not the Steve he remembers from a week ago before he headed for his mission. It’s not the same man who was built like a tank but would still stop to help little old ladies cross the road.

No, the Steve Rogers on the bed was a thin man, smaller than he was, possibly smaller than Natasha. The clothes on him hung loosely and where the neckline of the shirt gaped open, he could clearly the outline of his bones. No, this was another Steve, one he thought was left behind almost a century ago.

And, he realised with a start, this Steve’s face was starting to turn blue and he wheezed and gasped. This Steve couldn’t breathe.

It’s that thought that makes him move, and before he knows what’s happening he’s on the bed next to Steve.

He props the smaller man up without a second thought and he rubs his back before forcing him to focus on his face. “Come on Stevie,” he urges, pulling one of Steve’s hands to his chest, “You can do it, just focus on my breathing. Follow me.” He keeps his breathing deep and exaggerated and swallows his fear. Steve’s eyes widen for a second but he struggles to listen to Bucky and in a few seconds, he calms down enough to slump forward. Bucky keeps rubbing his back but looks out the door to where Sam’s looking like he might pass out from trepidation.

That’s when a soft voice cuts through the tension in the room.

“Buck?”

He looks down, worried that Stevie’ll strain himself. “Yeah pal?”

“Where are we?”

And just like that, Bucky Barnes entire world screeches to a resounding halt.

Natasha explains it to him as he holds Steve close, afraid to let go. It’s a spell gone wrong, she explains, Steve had pushed her out of the way and taken the brunt of it. Now he was not only physically the same as how he was before the serum, but he was mentally the same too.

Steve Rogers had no recollection of ever being Captain America.

In fact, as far as he was concerned, Bucky Barnes had woken up this morning and gone to his daily job at the docks. He’d been at home, recovering from a nasty cold and hadn’t yet been able to find a job. He didn’t even remember that Bucky had received his summons.

By the time Natasha’s finished, there’s a stiffness to the way Steve’s holding himself and a tightness in his jaw that can only mean one thing. Bucky remembers Steve doing his best to hold back his tears, he’d been the same way when those stupid kids had killed the alley cat they used to sometimes feed. He’d pretended to be unaffected the whole day, but had crawled into Bucky’s bed that night and cried into his nightshirt.

Bucky strokes Steve’s hair and for the first time in a long time, he’s glad that he’s cut his hair short. At least, in that one aspect, he looks the Bucky Barnes that Steve used to know.

“Things are going to be fine pal,” he says softly, ignoring the way Steve shifts closer, “I promise.”

It’s at that second the room door swings open and in comes Tony Stark. Judging by the grease stains on his shirt, he’s come straight from the lab. His jaw drops when he sees Steve and he stares awkwardly until Steve begins to squirm. “That’s Tony,” Bucky murmurs, “Tony Stark.”

“Stark? Like the inventor?” Steve asks incredulously, giving Tony an appraising look.

“Sorry half-pint, while I am in fact an inventor, the person you’re referring to is Howard Stark, my father.”

He ignores Bucky’s glare and continues to observe Steve with a frown on his face. Steve looks unaffected by Tony’s words, almost as though he hadn’t…

Oh.

“Tony,” Bucky says, trying to keep his tone neutral. “You need to speak from this side, or maybe speak up a bit.” There’s a second following his words where Steve hunches up a bit, but then he sits up straight and tall and Bucky’s not entirely sure what to do.

Movement from the doorway distracts him and that’s when he notices Sam’s standing out there. When he notices that Bucky’s watching him, he nods his head, a sign he wants to talk to Bucky alone.

“I’m going outside for a bit, ok Stevie? You’ll be ok for a few minutes?”

“I’ll be fine jerk, not some damsel from those radio programs you listen to.” There’s a scowl on Steve’s face, so fierce that Bucky can just about imagine, if he closes his eyes, that they can hear old man Jenkins on the floor upstairs, hobbling around with his walking stick.

Once outside he tilts his head at the bed, “Thanks for looking out for him.”

Shaking his head, Sam says, “When Nat called it in, I didn’t know what to do. And when she brought him in…I’ve heard the stories, but seeing it in real life.”

There’s something in Bucky’s chest now, something ugly, which has burned there for so long. He knows what Sam means, that he means well, but at the same time, he’d been so used to people overlooking Stevie, that his response came automatically.

“Steve’s got the biggest heart and soul you’ll ever find. The serum just gave him a body to match.”

Looking moderately offended, Sam replies, “I know that man. You know I would never underestimate Steve. It was just a shock alright? And I didn’t want to go in when he was already flipping out, he had enough to adjust to. But I’m just worried you know?”

Bucky looks back at Steve, who’s staring at Tony like he’s afraid he’ll jump him. “Yeah I understand.”

It takes him half an hour but he manages to push them all away and get Steve bundled up and into an elevator towards their floor. Steve’s wide-eyed at the technology and Bucky’s unfairly angry because he’d just started adjusting to things and this wasn’t fair for the blond man. He deserved better. He keeps an arm tucked around his shoulders and keeps his tone light as he asks if Steve’s hungry.

Unsurprisingly, he responds with a, “No, not really.”

That reminds him that he’ll need to get them reacquainted with Steve’s dietary habits again. They’re packing off to Stark Towers tomorrow morning, so at least they’ll have JARVIS on their side.

When the door opens after he unlocks it, Steve lets out a small gasp as he sees the inside and his hands clutch onto Bucky’s arm.

“How…how can we afford this?” he says unsteadily.

“Things are a lot different now pal,” he says kindly, steering the smaller towards the bed. Steve just sits there, staring at the TV and the AC and their laptops and for a second, Bucky thinks he might hyperventilate again. He shuts his eyes tightly and bends down, so his head touches his knees.

“I don’t know what to do Buck,” Steve says quietly. “I can’t make sense of the world anymore. Before, it was you and me. And now, now I don’t know what it is anymore.”

Bucky kneels on the carpeted floor, placing his hands on Steve’s knees. “Hey, there’s one thing that hasn’t changed. It’s still you and me, the two of us against the world.”

Steve lets out a suspiciously wet sniffle that Bucky ignores and he instead unlaces Steve’s shoes and pulls them off, yanking his socks off as well. They’ll both need a bath soon, but that can wait for a while.

There’s a gentle pressure on his hair and Bucky looks up, to find bright blue eyes, with just a dash of green staring back at him.

“Hey Buck, they didn’t tell me, but what happened to ma?”

                                                                                                                                             


	2. Chapter 2

The heavy curtains in the bedroom are drawn and the room lights are turned off. Everything’s dark to help soothe the migraine that’s raging inside Steve’s head. It had been one of the most difficult things he’d ever had to do, telling Steve about Sarah’s passing all over again. It had been bad enough the first time around.

_Bucky’s just about to sit down for supper when there’s a loud banging on the door. His Ma looks shocked and looks out the peephole before pulling it open, “Steve, it’s late, does your mother you know you’re here?”_

_He’s off before he can think about it and he finds his best friend at the door, looking for all the world like he’s run from his dingy apartment to the Barnes’ home. He gasps and Bucky pushes past his mother, gathering his friend in his arms, preparing for an asthma attack. But Steve weakly pushes at him and rasps out, “It’s Ma, she won’t get up. They’ve taken her to hospital.”_

_Bucky’s arms tighten across his friend’s too skinny shoulders._

_One week later he’d clutched Steve’s bony hand in his own, scared that if he lets go, he’d vanish too. They’d watched as Sarah Rogers was lowered into the ground._

When Steve had first tried to hide in the bed, it had taken all of five minutes for him to start scratching and Bucky saw the first signs of hives starting up. He’d stripped the bed, pushed Steve into the shower and gotten him a change of clothes. By the time he’s done, the bed’s been refitted with hypoallergenic sheets and pillows and Steve looked angry and exhausted. Bucky forces him to take some allergy medication before letting him crawl back into bed.

He wants to crawl into bed with Steve and hold him close. To tuck him away from the world like they used to do. But his memory isn’t complete at all places and he can’t remember when they’d changed what they were, from friends to something more. Even though they’d long since cemented their relationship in the future, he doesn’t want to pressure Steve into anything yet.

So, he props himself up in the armchair at the corner of the room and watches Steve as the hours pass by.

“Hey Buck?” Steve’s voice asks quietly.

He grunts noncommittally, keeping his own voice soft and unaffected.

“Do… do you think you could come over here? I mean and…”

He puts Steve out of his misery and pads over to the bed, settling himself on one side. They’d shared a bed more than once before the serum, especially during the winters when they couldn’t afford the extra heating. He makes sure there’s enough space so that Steve’s comfortable, but a few seconds later, the smaller man flings himself on Bucky and burrows into him.

Bucky brings his normal hand up to Steve’s head, and keeps the prosthetic at his back. He ignores the growing wetness on his t shirt.

He pretends he doesn’t hear the whispered, “I want to go home.”

The next morning, they’ve packed a few bags and Bucky herds Steve into the mess hall. He needs to get something into him after all the excitement. Luckily, the room’s cleared out so it’s just Tony, Natasha, Bruce, Sam and Clint. Tony waves them over excitedly and Steve gives an awkward smile before staring at the piles of food on the table.

He turns back to Bucky with his mouth open, like he can’t quite believe it and Bucky grins at him, ruffling his hair. “Yeah pal, it took me awhile too. Tell you what, why don’t you get settled down there and I’ll grab us some tea and coffee alright?”

Three minutes later and Bucky needs to sit down.

And honestly, it was an accident and he knows it but he just wants to possibly roll onto his side and cry.

Clint had offered him some cereal and it looked harmless enough, except it had fucking nuts in it. And two spoons in Steve’s throat had started closing up. Bucky had turned around to find his friend red in the face and starting to swell up like a balloon.

Thankfully, Bruce seemed to have the foresight to be prepared for something like this and he pulls out an EpiPen before anyone can blink and presses it into Steve’s thigh. Bucky’s at his side when Bruce administers the dosage and he watches as Steve recovers. He feels as nauseous as Steve looks and sits down heavily in the empty space next to Steve.

After ten minutes, he coaxes Steve to have a few bites of toast, urging him on. Tony comes back with some chicken soup from somewhere and slides it to him. Nodding his thanks to the inventor, he watches like a hawk till Steve’s finished the bowl.

“The tower’s set up,” Bruce said quietly, “We’ve got hypoallergenic sheets and products in all your rooms. Pepper’s switched out the toiletries for safer alternatives and we’ve completely stocked your room with medical supplies. There should be a new bed delivered today morning as well, which will be more comfortable for Steve’s scoliosis and JARVIS will manage an air filter in your room.”

Bucky’s touched, because while he had expected their friends to be supportive, he hadn’t expected quite this much of support.

Steve looks shocked as well and for a minute, he turns the empty soup bowl on the table, rotating it as he thinks. Looking up, he says, “Thank you. I wish I could remember you all to thank you more, but this means a lot to me.”

Waving off his thanks, Tony grins, “Don’t worry about it Cap, we’re all one huge dysfunctional family. And that’s what family does, we look out for each and make sure peanuts don’t almost end someone.”

Steve’s reaction to modern traffic would be hilarious if it wasn’t heart-breaking.

Gaping at some newer models of cars, he looks appalled at some of the changes in fashion and the way people conducted themselves. “Bucky, Bucky those people are punching each other and they’re laughing!”

“That’s called a fist bump Stevie, it’s a friendly gesture.”

“What the fuck is wrong with people?”

“Language!” Tony and Clint call out simultaneously.

Steve blinks at them and then looks back at Bucky.

“You never swear,” Tony says, “Like. Ever. We’ve got a Swear Jar in the Tower.”

“Tony,” Steve says slowly, “I’m from the streets of Brooklyn. Bucky worked in the docks. Why wouldn’t I swear. I’m sorry to break it to you pal, but it looks like I’ve been having you on.” Bucky’s not sure if Tony looks more distraught or Natasha looks more amused.

When they get to the Tower, Steve just sighs and says, “You know what Buck. I think I’m getting used to the feeling of surprise now.”

Bucky just pats his shoulder. When they get to the common living area, Pepper’s on the sofa wearing a pair of denim cut-offs and a white shirt.

“That’s Pepper Potts,” Bucky whispers to Steve, who’s gone red in the face. “She essentially runs Tony’s life and keeps all the Avengers from falling apart.”

“Hello Steve, it’s lovely to see you up and about,” she says with a kind smile.

“Thank you for all your help Ms. Potts.” He says.

“And we’d just gotten to the point where you called me Pepper,” she says with a grin, “Well never mind that, but Steve we’re friends. Call me Pepper alright? And we’d initially had plans to visit a museum opening this weekend but I’d completely understand if you wanted to skip that.”

“I, uhm, can I get back to you on that?”

“Of course Steve, there’s no rush.” She gets up and brushes some imaginary lint from her shorts before continuing, “I’ve picked up a few books and magazines that I think might help you understand things a bit more clearly, as well as had JARVIS download a few educational videos and movies as well. When you’re free, we’d also like to get your eyes tested and make sure your inoculations are all up to schedule.”

“Thanks Pepper,” Bucky said gratefully. He hadn’t even thought of half these things. He didn’t know what he’d do without her.

She hugs him briefly and says, “Things will work out.”

After saying goodbye to Steve, she leaves and Steve plops down on the sofa.

“I go to museum openings with classy dames now?” And Bucky winces because of the incredulity in his voice. Sure, Steve and Sarah Rogers had been well liked by society but it didn’t mean that any woman really gave Steve the time of their day, especially if he was with Bucky Barnes. They never saw him for more than his physical appearance (it was all their loss, Bucky felt).

Suddenly Steve stiffens and looks up, “Hey Buck, were we, I mean…”

But before they can finish whatever it is that they’re about to say, there’s a small commotion at the door and before Bucky can say anything, Tony’s walking in with his arms laden with snacks.  
Natasha follows, a scowl on her face and she mutters that they tried and failed to stop Tony.

“It’s movie night!” he announces, “Or movie afternoon or whatever. The point is, we’re bonding.” He hauls blankets and orders JARVIS to dim the lights before barking at everyone to settle down. As the movie (a Disney movie, he could hug Tony) starts to play, Steve leans forward and whispers into Bucky’s ear.

“Is he ok?”

“You and Tony are really good friends, despite what people might have you believe. You didn’t start out on the best foot, but he’s always been there for you, in his own special way and he doesn’t want to say it, but he’s worried about what happened.”

Steve looks at him appraisingly before he curls into Bucky, using him as his own personal pillow, and then stretches his legs so that they’re draped over Tony’s lap. Tony looks up and blinks at him for a second, before relaxing into the sofa.

As Bucky drapes his arm over Steve’s shoulders, he allows himself to breathe for the first time in days.

 


End file.
